it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
