I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
