i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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