what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
