I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
