your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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