Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
