And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize