I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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