That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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