If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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