I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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