just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
