VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
