Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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