we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
