My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
