My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
