I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
