my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
