is your mom at the bar?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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