ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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