Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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