A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
