I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
