guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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