Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
