Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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