At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
