Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there was a trapeze. enough said
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
