Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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