I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
