i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
