Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
