3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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