there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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