My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
