oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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