just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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