I can text with my tongue
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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