wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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