I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
