She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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