There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
