the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
