I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
