When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
