billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
