Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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