the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
