i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
someone owes me an orgasm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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