I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize