Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize