i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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