I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
