I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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