I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
