and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
