Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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