I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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