No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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