yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
