He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
