so explain again why im purple
no
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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