i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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