I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
