I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize