My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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