I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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