i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
