yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So. Much. Porn.
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