I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Be still, my beating vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
