the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
