he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
