At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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