You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
