he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
