How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
