Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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