The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
