Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
