Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
