I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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