Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
