I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
