There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Enjoy the penises
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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