You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
