i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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