They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
