This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would ride that face into the sunset
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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