did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
