he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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