i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
